Teaching Our Kids Gratitude That Looks Beyond Themselves

Getting the family around the dinner table isn’t always easy. Between evening meetings at church, shuttling kids to different activities, and the general chaos of life, some nights it just doesn’t happen. However, we do our best. We turn off the TV and sit down together, trying to have actual conversations instead of just shoveling food into our mouths before running off to the next thing.

Just the other night, my wife Jessica asked a question at dinner that seemed simple enough: “What are three things you’re grateful for?”

Honestly, it’s the kind of question we ask a lot this time of year, especially with Thanksgiving approaching. It’s a good question, too. We want our kids to learn gratitude, to recognize blessings, to see past their own wants and complaints. So we ask them to name what they’re thankful for, and then we wait to hear their answers.

Riley, our daughter, spoke up. She said she was thankful for what she was learning in one of her classes at school. Clearly, it was a good answer. She was being sincere and genuinely grateful for the education she’s getting.

However, Jessica did what good parents do. She saw a teaching moment.

“That’s great,” Jess said. “But let me give you a better way to say that. Instead of saying you’re thankful for what you’re learning, try saying you’re thankful for the teachers who help you learn.”

On the surface, it was a small shift. Riley wasn’t wrong to be grateful for her education. Yet Jessica helped her see something more important: there are people behind every blessing. There are hands that serve, voices that teach, and hearts that care. Furthermore, when we practice gratitude, we shouldn’t just celebrate what we receive. We should also acknowledge the ones who give.

Later, that moment stuck with me because it exposed something I hadn’t thought much about before. Even our gratitude can be selfish. In other words, even when we’re trying to be thankful, we can still make it all about us.

It reminded me of something Paul wrote to the Thessalonians:

Paul wasn’t just telling them to be generically grateful. Rather, he was telling them to see people, to recognize their labor, to esteem them for their work. That’s gratitude with a face on it.

For example, think about how we usually phrase our thanksgiving. We say things like, “I’m grateful for my health,” or “I’m thankful for this opportunity,” or “I appreciate this blessing.” Notice who’s at the center of every statement? Us. Our health. Our opportunity. The blessings we’ve received.

Now, compare that to how Paul expressed gratitude. When he wrote to the Philippians, he said, “I thank my God in all my remembrance of you” (Philippians 1:3). His thanksgiving wasn’t primarily about what he had or what he’d received. Instead, it was about people. He thanked God for them, for their partnership, for their presence in his life.

So what if we trained ourselves and our kids to look past ourselves when we give thanks? What if gratitude became less about cataloging what we have and more about recognizing who has served us, provided for us, and loved us?

Ultimately, this is more than just semantics. It’s a shift in how we see the world. When Riley said she was thankful for what she was learning, her focus was on the benefit she was receiving. In contrast, when Jessica redirected her to be thankful for her teachers, suddenly other people came into view. Suddenly gratitude became relational. It wasn’t just about Riley anymore. Rather, it was about the men and women who show up every day to invest in her life.

That’s the kind of gratitude the Bible calls us to. Not a gratitude that celebrates ourselves and our good fortune, but a gratitude that sees God’s provision through the people He places in our lives. Indeed, a gratitude that acknowledges sacrifice, recognizes service, and honors the hands that give.

So then, how do we help our kids develop this kind of other-focused gratitude? Here are four practical ways to start:

This matters because, ultimately, gratitude isn’t just a nice character trait we want our kids to develop. Rather, it’s a spiritual discipline that shapes how we see the world. Paul connected gratitude with community life when he wrote to the Colossians: “Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful” (Colossians 3:15).

Notice that? Gratitude is linked to being part of a body, part of a community. In other words, it’s not a private virtue we cultivate in isolation.

When we practice other-focused gratitude, we learn to see ourselves as part of a community, not isolated individuals collecting blessings. Furthermore, this practice teaches us to value people, not just outcomes. Over time, it helps us recognize that we are deeply dependent on others, and that’s not a weakness. Instead, it’s how God designed life to work.

And perhaps that’s the gospel connection here. After all, God didn’t just give us salvation as some abstract spiritual benefit we could enjoy on our own. He sent His Son, who put on flesh and dwelt among us, giving us the ultimate gift through the ultimate person. Consequently, when we practice gratitude that sees people, honors sacrifice, and acknowledges the hands that serve us, we’re reflecting the very heart of the gospel itself.

So this Thanksgiving season, when you gather around your table, ask the question. What are you grateful for? Then, take it one step further. Help your kids see past themselves and guide them to name the people. Encourage them to give thanks for the hands that serve them, the voices that teach them, and the hearts that love them.

In the end, gratitude that only sees blessings is incomplete. Indeed, true gratitude sees people. And through seeing people, we start to see God.

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